Fatigue isn’t just about sleep—mental & emotional overload are wearing you down
You got a full eight hours of sleep last night. Maybe even nine. You’ve cut back on caffeine after 2 p.m., tried magnesium, and briefly flirted with the idea of taking cold showers in the morning because the internet told you it would boost your energy.
And yet, by mid-afternoon, you still feel like a walking shell of yourself, running on autopilot and sheer force of will. So, what gives?
If exhaustion were purely about sleep, many of us would be bouncing out of bed refreshed, rather than waking up feeling like we fought a small war in our dreams. Fatigue isn’t always about how much rest you get—it’s about what’s draining you when you’re awake.
For high-achieving, perfectionist-leaning women, exhaustion isn’t just physical. It’s mental, emotional, and cognitive. And if you’re constantly feeling drained, the culprit might not be your bedtime—it might be the sheer amount of decisions, emotional labor, and self-imposed pressure you carry every day.
Decision Fatigue: Why Too Many Choices Are Making You Tired
Every day, you make thousands of micro-decisions. Some are small (Should I wear the black sweater or the gray one?), while others are more significant (Should I finally sign up for that certification?).
But here’s the problem: Your brain has a limited capacity for decision-making each day. Once you hit that limit, your cognitive energy starts running on fumes.
Researchers call this decision fatigue, and it’s why by the end of the day, seemingly simple choices—like picking a dinner recipe—can feel impossible.
Decision fatigue also explains why:
- You scroll endlessly on Netflix but never commit to a show.
- You get stuck in analysis paralysis over minor decisions (which card should I buy for my mother-in-laws birthday?).
- By 8 p.m., your ability to make good choices (a balanced meal vs. eating cheese straight from the fridge) disappears.
Your brain is working overtime every single day, sorting through an overwhelming amount of choices. And when you combine that with the mental load of managing everyone else’s decisions, it’s no wonder you’re exhausted.
Emotional Labor: The Hidden Drain on Your Energy
Even if you’re not consciously aware of it, you likely spend a significant portion of your day managing not just your emotions, but everyone else’s.
Emotional labor is the invisible work of anticipating needs, smoothing over social interactions, and managing the emotional climate around you. It’s keeping track of birthdays, remembering to text back that friend who’s been going through a rough time, and ensuring the work meeting doesn’t go off the rails because someone is about to say something awkward.
For many high-achieving women, emotional labor looks like:
- Being the default planner in your household, workplace, or social group.
- Taking on the role of therapist friend (even when you don’t have the energy for it).
- Navigating how to say “no” without feeling like a terrible person.
While none of these things are inherently bad, they add up. Carrying the weight of other people’s emotions and responsibilities takes a toll—mentally and physically.
And here’s the frustrating part: Because emotional labor is invisible, it often goes unacknowledged. No one notices that you’re the one making sure your family never runs out of toothpaste. Or that you’ve been the group chat’s crisis responder for years.
But your nervous system notices. And it’s exhausted.
So, What Can You Do About It?
You can’t exactly quit making decisions or caring about people (unfortunately). But you can start protecting your energy by setting limits on where your mental and emotional bandwidth goes.
1. Reduce Daily Decision Overload
- Automate small choices. Barack Obama famously wore only blue or gray suits to eliminate unnecessary decisions. You don’t have to go that far, but simplifying routines (e.g., meal prepping, creating a capsule wardrobe) frees up mental space.
- Use “good enough” thinking. Not every decision needs deep analysis. Sometimes, the first reasonable choice is the best one.
- Outsource when possible. You don’t have to be the one to pick the restaurant, plan the trip, or remember the details. Let someone else take the lead sometimes.
2. Set Boundaries on Emotional Labor
- Notice where you’re over-functioning. Are you the one always checking in on friends but never getting checked on? The one managing workplace conflicts that aren’t technically your job? Awareness is the first step.
- Allow discomfort. Saying “I can’t take that on right now” might feel awkward at first. But your well-being isn’t worth sacrificing for the sake of keeping others comfortable.
- Create “off-duty” hours. Just like work has a stopping point (theoretically), so should your emotional labor. Decide when you’re unavailable for non-essential emotional support or problem-solving.
3. Prioritize True Rest (Not Just Sleep)
- Schedule unstructured time. If every free moment is filled with obligations, errands, or mindless scrolling, your brain never gets a break.
- Engage in deep rest activities. Things like meditation, journaling, or even staring out the window (yes, really) help your mind recover from constant input.
- Say no to things that drain you. Not every request needs your yes. Start honoring your own limits.
Fatigue Isn’t Just Physical—It’s Mental and Emotional
If you’re constantly tired, it’s not just about sleep. It’s about the sheer number of decisions, responsibilities, and expectations you’re carrying daily.
The good news? Once you recognize what’s draining you, you can start protecting your energy.
Feeling drained?
It’s time to Marie Kondo your mental load and clear out the overwhelm. Download my free “Less Hustling, More Living” Workbook to start setting boundaries, reducing decision fatigue, and reclaiming your energy—without the guilt. Get it here!
