Originally published on Psychology Today.
Face masks won’t fix a life built around burnout and misalignment
You lit the candle. You drank the matcha. You booked the massage. And still? You feel… hollow. Tired. Irritable. Over it. Welcome to the self-care spiral, where you keep trying to patch up pervasive burnout with a bubblebath.
Self-Care Was Never Meant to Be a Fix-All
Somewhere along the way, the wellness industry convinced women that all we need is a better skincare routine, a gratitude journal, and a weekend away to feel whole again.
But what if your problem isn’t lack of rituals—it’s that your life is built around overfunctioning, perfectionism, or constantly proving your worth? Lavender scented pillow spray is lovely (I have some), but it would do much if you life is actively grinding you down.
When Self-Care Becomes Self-Avoidance
Many of us use self-care to manage symptoms of a life we’re too scared to change. We meditate, hydrate, and stretch—not because we want to—but because we’re desperately trying to make our exhaustion more sustainable.
But a morning routine can’t compensate for:
- A job that erodes your soul
- A calendar built for other people’s priorities
- A default mode of “yes” when your body is screaming “no”
Ask a Bigger Question
Before you upgrade your self-care again, pause and ask: What am I really trying to fix here? If the answer is: “I need two hours of decompression just to tolerate my life”… that’s a signal, not a failure.
So What Actually Helps?
- Look at Alignment, Not Aesthetics
Is your life built around what you value—or what’s expected of you? - Focus on Systemic Changes, Not Just Relief
That might mean delegating, quitting (yes!), changing the way you engage with work or home—not just adding a bath bomb. - Stop Outsourcing Your Peace
Self-care isn’t about products. It’s about protection—of your time, your energy, and your sense of self.
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You Don’t Need More Self-Care. You Need More Self-Respect.
The next time you feel the urge to “treat yourself,” ask: Would the most well-resourced, values-aligned version of me need this? If the answer is no—maybe the real treat is finally letting something go.
Ready to Make a Change
Ready for the most radical, powerful form of self-care? It’s simply, divest from your shoulds if they’re sucking your soul. Need support? Grab my ultimate anti-overcommitment tool. Its a checklist that helps you answer: Should I Do This? Get it here.
