The Myth of the “Chill Woman”

Why high-achieving women keep chasing a version of calm that doesn’t exist.

She doesn’t get flustered. She laughs off disappointment. She’s always down for whatever, never too intense, never “too much.” She’s the “cool girl” at work, the “easygoing” partner, the woman who “just goes with the flow.” And somehow, you’re supposed to be her.

But trying to be the chill woman is exhausting.

You know the type—unbothered, unruffled, low-maintenance in every way. She’s confident, but not assertive. Ambitious, but never intimidating. Successful, but somehow also effortlessly laid-back. Basically, she doesn’t exist. And yet, so many high-achieving women twist themselves into knots trying to embody her. Let’s talk about why.

Where the “Chill Woman” Myth Comes From

The pressure to be “chill” is deeply rooted in gendered expectations. For generations, women have been socialized to:

• Keep others comfortable
• Be agreeable, non-confrontational
• Take up less space—emotionally, physically, and intellectually

In professional settings, women are told to be confident—but not bossy. In relationships, assertive—but not needy. In friendships, supportive—but never high maintenance.

Being “chill” can becomee a survival strategy. One that helps women avoid rejection, criticism, or being labeled “difficult.” But this comes at a cost.

Signs You’re Chasing Chill at Your Own Expense

• You suppress opinions to avoid being “too intense”
• You downplay your achievements or excitement so you’re not “extra”
• You pretend to be fine when you’re absolutely not
• You feel guilty for having needs, preferences, or boundaries
• You equate emotional neutrality with strength

The irony? The more you try to be chill, the more disconnected you become—from your feelings, your goals, and your values.

What If You Let Yourself Be… Human?

Here’s a reframe:
What if having “no chill” is actually a sign of engagement? Being invested, enthusiastic, curious, frustrated, even upset—these are all signs you care. That you’re in your life, not performing around the edges of it.

So What Do You Do Instead?

1. Notice Where You Self-Shrink
   Pay attention to the moments when you downplay your feelings, soften your tone, or silence your voice in service of being more “easygoing.”
2. Practice Owning Your Opinions
   Start small. Say what you want for dinner. Speak up in a meeting. Ask for what you need without cushioning it in a dozen qualifiers.
3. Redefine Strength
   Being emotionally expressive doesn’t make you weak. Being direct doesn’t make you rude. You can be both strong and sensitive—because those things were never opposites.

Being Chill Isn’t the Goal. Being Yourself Is.

The myth of the “chill woman” is just another version of perfectionism in disguise. It asks women to be palatable, passive, and “not too much.”

But “chill” won’t make you feel fulfilled.
Authenticity will.

Ready to Confidently Step into Your Best Self Without Shrinking?

If you’re tired of over-functioning, over-apologizing, and over-analyzing every interaction, 30% More is for you. 30% more time, 30% more purpose, 30% more YOU.

It’s my science-backed program designed for high-achieving women who are done dimming their light and ready to live with more clarity, confidence, and purpose—without burning themselves out in the process.

✨ No more chasing “chill.”
✨ No more performing perfection.
✨ Just you—living more, doing less, and finally feeling like yourself again.

Check it out here → 30% More