Originally published on Psychology Today
Even moms who love being moms can feel conflicted this time of year
You love your kids and need a break. You can find your kids delightful and annoying. You can aspire to be patient and still sometimes loose your temper. Being a mom is complicated and so its natural that Mother’s Day is also filled with contradictions.
Why the Holiday Can Feel So Heavy
Mother’s Day is supposed to be about appreciation. But for many women, it brings up pressure, disappointment, and an unexpected emotional fatigue. Maybe the celebration feels performative. Maybe it reminds you how little help you typically get. Maybe you long for peace and solitude—and then feel guilty for wanting that on a day meant to honor “togetherness.”
Mother’s Day has a way of highlighting invisible labor that often goes unnoticed, estranged or complicated relationships with your own mother (of grief if you’ve lost her), and the tension between wanting to be celebrated and feeling like it’s selfish to say so.
You’re Not Ungrateful—You’re Human
Many moms are used to doing it all—and doing it well. But the truth is, even the most competent mothers are still people. People with needs, exhaustion, emotions, and contradictions.
You can love your kids fiercely and wish this holiday came with fewer expectations.
You can adore your family and want a break from them for a day.
You can feel loved and unseen in the exact same moment.
That’s not failure. That’s complexity.
How to Care for Yourself This Mother’s Day
- Acknowledge the Messy Feelings
You don’t have to “just be grateful.” Let yourself feel whatever comes up—even if it doesn’t look like a Hallmark card. - Redefine the Day on Your Terms
You get to decide what feels celebratory. Want to spend the day alone? Book a solo hike. Want to skip the brunch? Give yourself permission. - Ask for What You Actually Need
Whether it’s quiet, help, appreciation, or something else entirely—advocating for yourself isn’t unloving. It’s modeling self-respect.
A Mother’s Day That Honors the Whole You
You don’t have to pretend this day is uncomplicated. You don’t have to settle for being thanked while still doing the dishes.
