Originally published on Psychology Today
How introversion and extraversion shape your holiday experience
The holidays can come with a lot of expectations. Beyond finding the perfect gifts for the people on your list and digging out grandma’s secret cookie recipe, there is also pressure to express seasonal joy in a particular way. We’re supposed to want a full calendar of holiday parties, big family gatherings, and endless opportunities to mingle. We’re expected to stay late, be chatty, participate in group games, and make small talk with distant relatives.
If this sounds energizing and exciting, you’re probably on the extroverted side. However, if you felt drained just reading about these common seasonal activities, you probably consider yourself to be an introvert.
Let’s talk about why your “social battery” is drained or recharged during the season of festive socializing, along with how to build a holiday that actually fits your personality.
Introvert, Extrovert, or Somewhere in Between?
Most personality psychologists agree that the best way to understand yourself is to know where you fall on the Big Five personality traits: Neuroticism, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, and Openness. You can think of your Big Five personality traits like sliders on a soundboard, each one set at its own level, creating the unique ‘mix’ that explains patterns in how you think and behave.
Most people think introversion and extroversion has everything to do with how social and outgoing you are. But, these traits actually capture more than that. Extraversion reflects your natural tendency to seek stimulation, enjoy environments with lots of activity, and yes, gravitate toward social engagement. By contrast, introversion reflects a preference for lower stimulation, more deliberate interactions, and recovery time between social events.
Importantly, personality traits are not categories; you’re not introverted or extroverted – you fall somewhere along the introversion-extroversion continuum. Most people are somewhere in the middle, but can lean toward either extreme. Instead of thinking “I’m an introvert, I won’t have fun if I go to that event” try “I can go for a shorter time, find the people I connect with most, and give myself permission to step away when I’m done.”
Holiday Stress at Both Ends of the Continuum
The holiday season puts your introversion–extraversion slider under a spotlight because more obligations (e.g.,work parties, friend gatherings, family visits, kid concerts) are crammed into fewer days.
If you tend toward introversion, the sheer volume of gatherings means your social battery drains faster than usual. If you tend toward extraversion, you may feel energized by the buzz; but beware, you may crash over-scheduling because even extroverts need to rest.
Importantly, there is no absolute right level when it comes to where you fall on the introversion-extroversion spectrum. Both sides have strengths. Introverts may be more likely to spark genuine one-on-one connection, engage in thoughtful conversation, and carry on meaningful traditions. On the other hand, extroverts often excel at hosting, initiating plans, and bringing energy to group gatherings.
How to Tailor Your Holiday Season to Your Social Battery
When you understand your personality starting point, you can design a holiday that plays to your strengths instead of fighting them.
- Know your capacity: Ask yourself: “How many social events can I realistically enjoy in one week?” If your honest answer is two, don’t plan for five. Give yourself permission to leave earlier or limit conversations to the people you already know instead of making the rounds.
- Build in recovery time: Introverts can schedule buffer days between high-stimulation events and extroverts can can grounding moments like a walk, a workout, or a night in to prevent a crash.
- Redefine “joy” on your terms: Maybe joy is a small dinner with two friends. Maybe it’s hopping between three parties in one night. Leave guilt behind. It is okay to unsubscribe from the notion that merrier equals more. It is also okay to flit from party to party without having a deep conversation with anyone.
This season, choose to show up in a way that feels aligned with who you are, not who you think you should be.
Want to enjoy the holidays as the person you’re becoming? The Personality Compass Roadmap gives you a step-by-step plan to build the traits that support the life you want.
