Separating fact from fiction when it comes to reinventing yourself.
Even as a clinical psychologist and personality scientist, I fall for it. Every year around this time, my feed fills up with bold promises:
“New Year, New You.”
“This one habit will change everything.”
“The calendar system that will double your productivity.”
Despite spending the last 15 years studying behavior change, personality development, and developing evidence-based treatments, I still feel the pull.
Why? Because wouldn’t it be wonderful if meaningful change were quick and easy?
The idea that a single insight, habit, or system could instantly transform how we think, feel, and behave is deeply appealing, especially when we’re tired and overextended (which, of course, we are as the holidays come to a close).
So even though I know better, I still have to bring myself back to reality by actively questioning common reinvention promises.
Below are three personal growth myths worth treating with skepticism, along with what actually works when it comes to personality change.
1. “This One Thing Will Change Everything”
True story. I once bought a tupperware lid organizer on Prime day believing that this was my ticket to becoming a more organized person, in general.
In hindsight, this was wishful thinking. Yes, changing your behavior is an important ingredient in personality change. But no single habit is a magic lever. There is no miracle product, supplement, or planner.
Bottom line: I’d be highly skeptical if an influencer or advertisement is making big claims that this will change your life.
What personality says you should try instead: Personality is your characteristic way of thinking and behaving across situations. This means that making small behavioral tweaks, done consistently and in real-life moments can add up over time, leading to the lasting change you’re looking for.
For example, if your New Year’s goal is to be “less anxious,” downloading a meditation app that you use before bed is not likely to cut it. Instead, find the ways that anxiety shows up in your life and make small changes there. This might look like resisting the urge to double-check an email, leaving five minutes later than usual, or letting a minor task go unfinished. When nothing bad happens, you might feel emboldened to try even more new behaviors, and voila, you’re on the road to personality change.
2. “If It’s Right, It Should Feel Easy”
Many people believe that if a new behavior or new perspective feels uncomfortable, awkward, or anxiety-provoking, it must be the wrong approach for them. In reality, the opposite is often true.
Yes, there is something to be said for reducing barriers to make change easier. If you want to get back into exercise after a long hiatus, starting out walking with your neighbor is more likely to stick than driving across town for a 6AM high-intensity bootcamp. At the same time, training your body will still require some discomfort.
The same is true for re-shaping your personality. Many of our long-standing patterns, like people-pleasing or perfectionism, developed because they worked at some point. They may have helped you feel safe in your relationships, or earned you respect at work. Changing them means stepping outside what’s familiar, which almost always feels uncomfortable at first.
Bottom line: If a growth strategy feels a little awkward or unsettling, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for you. It may mean you’re putting in the real work.
What personality science says you should try instead: Expect some discomfort when you’re making meaningful change. When you try on new behaviors or ways of looking at the world, it can feel scary because you don’t know what will happen (e.g., will I be rejected if I share something personal about myself with a new friend). Doing it anyway will give you data on this (e.g., “oh wow, when I share about my personal life, the other person shares something too). The more you step outside of your comfort zone and see positive outcomes, the easier it will become.
3. “Real Personality Change Takes Decades”
It’s true that, on average, personality traits tend to change slowly across adulthood (Roberts et al., 2006). This is often interpreted to mean that meaningful personality change only happens passively with age and life experience.
In fact, my own clinical trial recent research suggests that when people deliberately target the behaviors and thought patterns tied to a specific trait, change can happen far more quickly than we once believed (Sauer-Zavala et al., 2023).
Bottom line: Personality change may be slow when it’s accidental, but it doesn’t have to be when it’s intentional. So rather than be a passenger along for the ride, you can be in the driver’s seat of directing this change.
What personality science says you should try instead: Rather than waiting for time or circumstance to do the work for you, focus on making small, repeated changes that directly target the trait you want to shift. For example, if you want to be more outgoing and assertive, you might set a goal to share your opinion once per meeting. You could later “level up” by attending a work happy hour and challenging yourself to talk to each person in attendance. You could also make shifts in your personal life by asking your partner to change a behavior that’s been bothering you for a while or by planning a dinner party.
Over time, these intentional behavioral experiments begin to add up. As new patterns become familiar, your self-concept starts to change. You start to see yourself as “outgoing and assertive.” That’s how personality change can unfold in months, not decades.
Rethinking “New Year, New You” based on personality science
Being skeptical of big promises doesn’t mean change isn’t possible. The irony of “New Year, New You” is that meaningful change usually doesn’t feel like a dramatic, sweeping shift in the moment. More often, it looks like choosing to try a new behavior on an ordinary Tuesday and repeating it the next day, and then the next until it feels natural. It looks like tolerating discomfort, gathering evidence, and letting these new behaviors gradually reshape how you see yourself.
If you’re ready to move beyond quick fixes and step into real, lasting change, The Personality Edit is a 10-week self-guided program translate cutting-personality science into meaningful growth for you.
