Originally published in Psychology Today
Why overthinkers struggle to enjoy the season and simple mindfulness tools to stay grounded
You’re watching the ball drop on New Year’s Eve and you think to yourself “I can’t believe the holidays are over already; I didn’t even have a chance to sit down and enjoy them.”
For most of us, December can feel like a whirlwind. Staying present and enjoying the moment is especially difficult if you’re someone who feels things deeply or gets easily pulled into over-analyzing the past or worrying about the future.
Practicing mindfulness is a way to combat the constant mental pull that keeps you from experiencing the season. And here’s the good news: you don’t have to add “take up meditation” to your holiday to-do list to get the benefits of this powerful tool. There are simple, concrete strategies you can start using today to keep you anchored in the moment so the holidays don’t completely pass you by.
Who’s Most at Risk of Spending the Holidays in their Own Head
As a psychologist who studies the effect of personality on mental health, I view the tendency to ruminate about the past or anticipate future problems as high neuroticism. People high in this trait are more reactive to stress, feel their emotions intensely, and take longer to calm back down relative to the average person.
And during the holiday season, there is simply more stress to react to. Travel delays, shopping for gifts, school concerts, and navigating your family of origin all contribute strong emotions, second-guessing yourself, and worry about getting all your tasks wrapped up in a bow.
For many of my clients, the internal soundtrack to the holidays sounds like this: “Did I offend her?” “I should have told my mom I don’t appreciate comments about my parenting,” “I need to remember to pick up teacher gifts.” Their bodies are in the room, but their minds are three steps ahead or 10 steps back, making it nearly impossible to actually enjoy the moment.
How to Gently Take the Wheel of Your Attention
Being mindful is the opposite of neuroticism-brain. Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment in a nonjudgmental way. It started out as an Eastern spiritual practice (think: Buddhist monks), but has been adapted by Western mental health professionals to help people cope with anxiety, depression, and chronic pain.
Although the traditional way to cultivate present–focused, nonjudgmental attention is through meditation, you don’t need to buy a cushion or maintain a 30-minute-a-day practice to benefit from what mindfulness has to offer.
The real magic is in tiny, practical skills that help anchor your attention back to the current moment. Here are a few you can try literally right now:
1. The 30-second pause: If you notice your anxiety or guilt (or any other emotion) starting to build, take note of the feeling of the floor beneath your feet. By focusing on something concrete like your feet, you will have momentarily wrenched your mind out of the past or future. Congrats – you’re back in the present. This brief pause interrupts the mental rollercoaster that increases stress. My clients are always surprised by how much calmer they feel after just a few seconds of noticing their body.
2. Can I do anything about this right now? Again, when you notice that your emotions are escalating, take a clear look at what you’re telling yourself. Worry and ruminative thoughts can be like wallpaper; they’re so familiar, you stop noticing them – but they are still affecting you. Are you telling yourself “I shouldn’t have snapped at my kids” or “I need to call my mom”? Now, ask yourself: Can I do anything about this right now? If the answer is no, that’s your cue to turn your attention back to what’s going on in the room around you.
3. Savor the moment: A great way to get out of your mind and into the holiday festivities is to use your five senses. What can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? What are you touching? What can you taste? Direct your attention to seasonal sundries, your kids playing together nicely (at least for this tiny moment), the smell of brownies baking, the taste of those brownies as you’re eating them.
3. Choose one “fully present” moment each day: Pick one ordinary moment like drinking your morning coffee, buckling your kid in the car, putting ornaments on the tree, and practice being fully present for just 30 seconds. No multitasking, no planning, no evaluating. This tiny ritual builds your “mindful muscle.”
Making Space to Actually Enjoy the Season
Mindfulness isn’t about eliminating stress or becoming a perfectly zen version of yourself. It’s about giving your mind grounded moments that allow you to actually experience the holidays. Even a few seconds of presence, repeated throughout the month, can help you feel less swept away and more connected to what’s right in front of you.
Neuroticism doesn’t have to run the show—especially during a season that’s supposed to feel meaningful. Small shifts in how you think and respond can change your baseline over time. If you want a clear, evidence-based starting point for reducing stress reactivity, my Personality Compass Roadmap will guide you step-by-step.
