These psychological strategies help busy women find time for themselves—without sacrificing success or ambition
I was on a call with one of my clients a few weeks ago and she told me “I just need time to stop for everyone else so I can catch up.” Not having enough time comes up over and over again for my clients. Women are busier than ever; we’re juggling careers, families, and friendships. But trying to find the time to fit all of our responsibilities in leaves us too drained to enjoy the life we’ve worked so hard for.
I recently saw an ad on social media featuring a series of successful women saying that they wake up at exactly 5:50 AM every morning. The ad was trying to sell a “morning routine” program by forwarding the idea that the solution to our “time problem” is just to wake up earlier and earlier.
However, there is no evidence that waking up earlier leads to time spaciousness. Instead, in this article, I’ll share three science-supported strategies to reclaim up to 10 hours a month.
Source: Morgan house/ Unsplash/ Used with Permission
Reclaim the Your Time from the Past and the Future
Do you replay past conversations in your head, telling yourself “I should’ve handled that meeting differently” or “was i too hard on my kids” ? Or do you have a running ticker tape of to-dos or what ifs running through your mind at all times?
Thoughts about the past and the future can feel productive. You tell yourself that you’re reviewing what went wrong to avoid mistakes next time or scanning ahead to prevent anything from slipping through the cracks.
The problem is that attention is a limited resource and when part of you is stuck in yesterday or tomorrow, you lose out on making the most of the present. You’re distracted so you’re inefficient, re-reading the same sentence over and over or taking twice as long to complete your tasks. Staying focused on what’s right in front of you – the present moment – will actually help you move through your day with efficiency, earning you at least an hour or two back per week.
Plus, imagine applying that same present-focus to your family, friends, and hobbies without the noise of past ruminations or future worries crowding in. In addition to getting time back, you’ll also maximize your joy.
How to get started: Choose one activity – your morning coffee, your commute, loading the dishwasher – to practice giving your full attention to the present moment. Your mind will definitely wander and that’s okay. The goal is to simply bring your attention back to your chosen activity. Every time you do that, you’re strengthening your attentional muscle. Over time, you’ll be able to extend this skill to more tasks.
A Different Perspective on What it Means to Say No
A major component of getting time back for yourself each month is simply taking on less. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, that makes sense. Most of us have been socialized to see “no” as selfish. We worry that if we don’t say yes, people will be disappointed, things won’t get done the “right” way, or we’ll lose our edge.
Rigid thinking (“my boss will think less of me if I don’t volunteer for this”) keeps your schedule full of time sucking obligations. Flexible thinking means considering other possibilities, instead of just accepting your first thought as absolute fact. For example, you could practice telling yourself “saying ‘no’ to this project means I will have the space to do better quality work on the project I’ve already taken on.”
Cognitive flexibility is the ability to shift perspective and adapt your thinking when old rules or assumptions aren’t serving you.
How to get started: The next time you feel the pull to automatically say yes, pause. Ask yourself: What am I afraid will happen if I say “no?” If you’re worried that you’ll disappoint people, do you have any evidence this will happen? What’s the real likelihood that your boundary will be upsetting to others? What if someone is upset with you – could you handle that? How would you cope?
Values-Based Calendar Edit
Most of us fill our days reactively. Attending a meeting because you got a calendar invite or volunteering at your kids’ school’s fall festival because the PTA reached out. It’s only later, when you’re exhausted, that you realize how many of those commitments weren’t aligned with what you actually value.
A values-based calendar edit is the antidote. Values are your aspirational life directions. They define how you want to show up in your relationships, your career, and for yourself. For example, my main career value is to help others in a meaningful way. My main parenting value is to be present-focused during quality time with my kids. When you apply a values lens to your calendar, you’ll ask yourself things like “Does staying late to finish up these emails move me closer to the kind of life I’m trying to create.” In my case, reminding myself that I didn’t become a clinical psychologist to answer emails helps me close Outlook and focus on a blog post that can help others!
When your time aligns with what’s meaningful to you—whether that’s growth, connection, creativity, or health—you automatically get hours back because you stop spending them on things that drain you.
How to get started: Look at your calendar for the next two weeks and highlight activities that clearly connect to your core values. Then, identify one or two recurring commitments that don’t match up with the life you want to be living. Consider extracting yourself from these obligations, and protect the space you’ve reclaimed. Each values-based choice compounds, freeing time every single week!
What Will You Do with the Time You’ve Carved Out
Every hour you reclaim is an opportunity to live more deliberately. Maybe that looks like finally reading the book that’s been sitting on your nightstand (during the middle of the day on a Saturday, no less). Maybe it looks like taking that pottery class your friend has been raving about, or journaling about the career pivot you’ve been thinking about. This is your invitation to use this extra time not to fit more in, but to fill your life with what actually matters.
Get Support
Want to learn how to put these strategies into action? Catch my free masterclass, From Exhausted to Energized, to learn science-backed strategies for success that feels time and energy spacious.