I’m in a couple group chats with women in my life – college friends, 2nd grade moms, psychology department moms, to name a few.
If I were to ask these women, “how are you doing,” I would hear a chorus of “busy,” “exhausted,” and “totally slammed right now.”
Burnout has become so normalized in our culture that it’s practically a badge of honor. The fuller your calendar, the later your nights, the less sleep you get — the more important you are. Right? Right?
When all the amazing women in your life around are living the same way, busyness becomes the standard.
Source: Vasillis Caravitis/Unsplash/used with permission
How Burnout Became a Badge
Research shows that in the U.S., busyness is often equated with status. A 2017 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that people perceived individuals who worked long hours and had little leisure time as more important, ambitious, and admired.
The “busyness-as-status” mindset has deep roots – especially for women. From an early age, many of us are conditioned to equate our value with how much we do for others. Were you praised for being the dependable student, the helpful daughter, the friend who remembers birthdays, the mom who manages every detail of the household? If yes, then over-extending yourself was reinforced. Layer that onto professional expectations of working longer, harder, and faster just to be seen as “equally competent,” and you’ve got a perfect storm for burnout.
Why We Wear the Badge Even Though it Drains Us
Of course, if you’re an overachiever, you know the consequence of running on fumes. Studies on occupational burnout tell us that chronic stress and lack of recovery actually make us less effective. Overwork is associated with lower productivity, reduced creativity, strained relationships, and long-term health risks.
So why do ambitious, capable people cling to burnout culture?
Fear. Many high-achieving women worry that if they slow down, set boundaries, or say “no,” they’ll fall behind or (gasp) people will be mad at them. They worry that they’ll become irrelevant. That opportunities will dry up and colleagues will surpass them. As long as exhaustion feels safer than the possibility of disappointing others or losing your edge, burnout keeps its grip.
Energy as the New Status Symbol
What if we redefined success not by how exhausted we are, but by how energized we feel?
The irony is that when women learn to set boundaries, protect their energy, and make intentional choices, they don’t become less successful — they become more creative, strategic, and effective.
Imagine walking into Monday morning not with a foggy brain and an overbooked schedule, but with clarity, focus, and energy left over for the things you actually care about. That’s not a fantasy. It’s the result of shifting the way we approach ambition.
For me, as a psychology professor and treatment developer, when I started saying “no” to random committees or grant collaborations that looked good on paper, but weren’t aligned with my purpose, I noticed a spaciousness I hadn’t experienced before. I had room to go for a walk before work. I had enough energy to watercolor and read in the evenings after work.
And to be clear, I didn’t settle or give up on my ambition. I gave myself time to think and innovate. And that led to greater clarity and creativity in the parts of my job I valued most – creating psychological treatments that move the needle for people who are suffering. Since I’ve made this shift, I have been, arguably, more successful; new, aligned opportunities have found me.
The Bottom Line
Burnout doesn’t have to be the price of admission for success. In fact, success that drains you isn’t really success at all. If you’re ready to stop wearing exhaustion like a badge, consider joining my free masterclass where I teach science-backed strategies to find success that feels spacious, not draining.
* Originally published on Psychology Today